Thursday, March 8, 2012

"When in doubt, strut it out."

Time to practice more GIFs! And what better way to do so than with my favorite over-the-top gay fairy godmother, Gareth Walker of Ministry of Sound fame.

Let me tell you a bit about Gareth. He appears in only a couple Ministry of Sound* titles, but he's been the choreographer for all or almost all of them. He is a fag hag's dream, or at least that's the persona he smartly adopts for his MOS workouts, which are largely targeted toward the 18-35 club girl set. His early titles, like "Pump It Up Dancemix," are totally ridiculous in their non-functional short skirt insistence on SEXINESS AT ALL TIMES!!! and a lot of the choreography is just a jumble of hair flips, chest pumps and hip wiggles. Sometimes I don't feel interested in playing his game at all, but sometimes it makes me feel fun and free in a delusionoid-pyscho-girl way. Here's a gif (GIF? does it have to be capitalized? i wanna look correct.) to illustrate my feelings on this subject:

Gareth hair flip

"When in doubt, strut it out." This applies to MOS workouts as well as life. Gareth speaks the language of the nubile, glitter-lotioned party girl, and all his choreography is presented through the lens of her holy temple, The Club. Dance moves are based around club rituals, which Gareth illustrates with instructions like these:

"Barge through the club! Then shake those people off!"
"Who's over there? Let's go strut and see."
"Oh wait now who's over here? Walk with me."
"Now grab hold of the bar and shake your stuff!"

Gareth tease

It's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo silly, you guys. But, as in all the Ministry of Sound titles I've done, it's a good workout. Because of all the posing in "Dancemix," that one's not as challenging aerobically as Gareth's more recent title, 2011's "Body Burn." In this one, he's still got all the club sass nonsense, but the choreography is much better, both as dance and aerobics.

And, like all MOS titles, the workout starts (post-warm-up) with a 15-minute series of squats, lunges, mild aerobics, leg raises and standing ab work to get the party going. I often skip the warm-ups and go straight to the that tone section, or I do it on its own after a run. GIF time!

side leg raise

side ab

Woof, some of these GIFs look rough. Learning. 

Anyway, Gareth can be intolerable or intoxicating. I've experienced both. But above all, he's professional, a good sport and very good at showing you the correct way to do things -- less so with the dance steps, but aces with the toning moves. All he wants in life is for you to look hot and be the princess of The Club, wherever you may be. I don't really do MOS-style clubs, but in my dance party world I have become way more comfortable with hair-flipping and pops and lil sassy accents because of Gareth's (and alcohol's) influence. So keep struttin' it out, my boo. Just keep strutting. 

* NOTE: All the Ministry of Sound titles are available only in the UK. You can order them if you like, but they won't play on an American DVD player. This sucks, I know. But where there's a will, there's a way. Wink. 


  1. Ugh, once again, fate has dealt me a cruel blow, in finding such an awesome blog that is no longer updated. I think that, in exercise video taste, one's cultural outlook is decisive in what one (or at least I ) enjoy. As I enjoy camp (and probably became an instructor at least in part to my own sense of theatre), I LOVE the MoS DVDs. Gareth is a true gem.

  2. I can't tell you how much it upsets me that MoS has seemingly halted their workout-video line. They haven't put one out in like 3 years now, and every December I wait to see if they'll release a trailer for the next year's workout. I've given up!

  3. Laaaaaaaame. I've discovered the rare gems that are the various workouts from whenever DeAnn did her MoS vid to this workout. It's so money to hear songs that I used to use for Bootcamp classes, in a dance class made by a professional. Any better luck with Clubland? The last workout I could find online with DeAnn (I dated an Aussie a few years back, so I enjoy her quirkiness quite a bit) was a lame-o K-Swiss workout. For dance, the music (or lack thereof) makes a massive difference.