Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Jane Fonda, Part 1

We've checked out a bunch of celebrity workout videos here at World of Sass, but Jane Fonda is the real deal. She's the urtext. She blazed the trail, showing scores of poor, ignored C-listers that one day, they too might be able to aerobicize their way back to top (of the B-list, at least). There was Barbarella and Nine to Five; there was that whole "Hanoi Jane" thing, which, oof; but for most of humanity, Jane Fonda = workout lady. Her debut offering, Jane Fonda's Workout (1981) exploded its sass all over pop culture, turning home fitness from a burgeoning trend into a "Let's Get Physical" frenzy and becoming the top-grossing home video of its time. She is the prototypical '80s big-hair leotarded sweatmongerer. Her total catalog includes 26 workout videos, and her most recent one was released in 2012. Lady is 75 years old.

Today we're doing part one of a gifsploration of Jane Fonda's NEW Workout (1985). Once I got started making gifs, I quickly went overboard, because the looks and moves in this video are . . . stupendous. Giving me LIFE. I mean, come on:

Turning that visor OUT.

And that's not even the whole outfit. Behold:

Serving hi-cut LSU realness.

Anyway, the video has beginner and advanced levels, and all these are from the beginner's. It's a 35-minute workout with about 10 minutes (not enough) of light-to-moderate cardio and some serious toning work. We start with some light stretches to wake the body up. . . 

love this guy.

He's a big strong man!

I'm afraid I didn't pay much (any) attention to Jane in my gif-making because she's kinda boring for the first half of the video. She's a dece instructor -- though her cuing is always a little behind -- and of course she looks fabulous, but she's pretty blah until the floor exercises start, and then watch out. Suggestive pelvic curls on a mat are for movie stars, it seems. Working up a sweat with some jumping-jack variations? That's yeoman's work, so Jane shifts the focus to adorable Kelly Kapowksi doppelganger Leslie, who breaks into lip-synced song with the rousing "Do It."

Leslie, she's perky. Even though Fonda tries to fool the audience into believing she's actually singing --she tells viewers, "If you can sing along, you know you're breathing correctly!" -- Leslie puts on her button-nosed game face, adjusts the hot-pink ribbon around her softly teased bangs, and sells the shit out of that "Eye of the Tiger" redux. 

There's so much! More! To you than meets the eye. There's so much! More! To you, you're gonna try, she mouths. And once your giggles start to subside, you start thinking, "She's right. There is so much li-ving, li-ving, li-ving, li-ving, living to dooooooooooo!"

I could watch her do this all day.

Then, after making sweet, tiny-waisted Leslie "sing" her song, Fonda has her lead the cardio section -- and I'll be damned if it ain't just good ol' BPM-raising fun. It cycles through pretty much all the basic aerobic moves. . . 

So many leg warmers!

. . . and then brings in some totally silly hoedown stuff that, if you commit to it, will give you the benefits of both aerobic activity and laughing yoga

High fives for everyoooooone!

Also, Leslie's hot-pink bottoms have this weird vulva-like thing in the front that flaps around. Somehow I felt this was worth mentioning.

After the aerobic peak, Leslie takes the tempo down and sings "Do It" again. From there on out, it's Fonda's time to shine, which I'll cover in the next chapter of this immensely important anthropological study.

1 comment:

  1. LSU + "Hanoi Jane" tag + Saved by the Bell reference = pure awesomeness. Somewhere in the universe, there is either a Les Miles video synced to Jane Fonda Muzak, or a JF workout video mixed with LSU fight songs. Either video would break the internet.