Monday, October 24, 2011

How to sleuth your way to Hunkercize in 10 questions

I found this...artifact. Oh my. (NSFW.) So many questions. 

1. Is this real? The screen says "Cooldown" and the vodka-soaked lady narrator's voice says it is indeed the "beginner's cooldown." And then, not even 10 seconds in, they toot their asses in the air and start spreading it. Hanh? 

2. Is this a parody video? The flesh-toned mankini bottoms, the yoga/autofellatio thrusting -- this has to be fake, and also holy crap wow that's some butt right there. Sure is. Sheeeeet. 

3. Wait, is this like a male stripper workout video? That would make sense. Googling as such doesn't turn up anything similar, and the YouTube user who uploaded the video (the spectacularly named STORYOFSHIRTLESS) doesn't have anything else like it. Though he does, in his library of bodybuilding videos, deliver an entire Ibiza knockoff's worth of haircutted juiceheads. 

4. Why are they working out with dry ice around? Don't they know it's dangerous to touch? All those legs flying around, someone going to get hurt.

5. I got distracted looking at posteriors. Forgot my question.

6. I like this song. Can I Shazam it?

7. Thrusting's over. They're doing pretty real stretches now. I think this is actually really real. I'm holding out for stripper workout. What was the name of that big male stripper franchise? Duh duh duh, this is so obvious why can't I remember?

8. Chippendales! Of course. Is there a Chippendales workout?

9. Why yes there is. Can't tell if it's the same thing as this video, though. I don't know. What's that? There's a related video that has something to do with Playgirl and something called Hunkercize? This...could be major. 


Oh my word. This is big. HUNKERCIZE EXISTS, Y'ALL. And it was so worth the Interweb rabbit hole. And has the freaking "Careless Whisper" sax thing and jock-strap peeping and all sorts of horndog meat market stuff. Ok, so it's only a "workout video" in quotation marks and more for working out the forearm, but it's still real, baby. Hunkercize is real. YOU'RE WELCOME. 

1 comment:

  1. Even Sir Mix-a-lot would think, "That's a LOT of ass."