Wednesday, May 2, 2012

They don't even CARE about my SPECIAL DAY

Way to bungle a perfectly good gimmick, Women's Health. I came across "Women's Health: The Wedding Workout" while making the rounds on YouTube, and wow -- mega disappointment. Why? It's just a regular dang workout! And a boring-looking one, at that!

The main wedding-y feature is a customizable menu that changes up the workout based on your style of wedding dress -- like if you're going strapless, you can choose to work your arms and shoulders more, so you can look like this buff bride:

There are a couple references to one's "big day" and exercises that are good "if you're going to be wearing heels," but other than that this video TOTALLY squanders what could have been a landmark offering within the bridal-industrial complex. I'm talkin' bout:

Working your arms and back for that perfectly arched bouquet toss. And, for your bridesmaids, whom you can force to work out however you want because YOU'RE the BRIDE...

Grappling practice for getting that bouquet! It'll be a good show for the crowd, and besides, they don't want to be single the rest of their lives, do they? DO THEY??? It's not that big a deal -- just that their worth as women depends on it, is all. Remind them of that -- they'll thank you later. 

And what about the workoutfits in that video? Not bridal at all. This lady here's on the right track. How else are you going to test the full range of motion and sweat-absorbing capacity of your wedding dress than by takin 'er for a spin? Personally, I think the costume department at Women's Health should have looked to good old White Christmas for inspiration:


Fly away to your happily ever after, girl. 

(For those unfamiliar, the above is from the "Mandy" number in White Christmas. The real clip isn't available online, but there's a fun mashup of it with Beck's "Girl" here, and Vera Ellen would be just as incredible to watch even in silence. She's amazing.)

I'm just saying, "The Wedding Workout" could have had a LOT more fun with its premise. I mean, the whole idea of buying a wedding-specific workout is kind of ridiculous anyway, so why not get campy and have a laugh at the whole bridal thang while also getting fit? 

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