Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Trippy clubby stretchy time with Miss Melodee

  • "Stretching Song," why do you have to be so stupidly catchyyyyyy? Why did you make me play you in my car with the windows down, all the way home from work? 
  • Did you know that if you got rid of the stretching lyrics and added stuff about grinding privates in an interesting locale, you could probably break the Billboard Hot 100 (maybe 500) with this track? Your sneaker hype-man with the ear mike knows what I'm talking about.
  • Miss Melodee, why aren't you stretching all that much? You're a ballet teacher / web video personality, right? Your backup girls are killing it and you're just sticking your hands up and letting the graphics swirl you around. You swirl the graphics, girl. Remember that.
  • Is this standard for kids' music these days? I miss Raffi. 
  • Did a real live costume designer pick out those shoes, Miss Melodee?
  • Were you pissed that they auto-tuned you so much? Because according to all these videos, you have the voice of a Disney freaking princess. I guess it was just a thang you or your corporate masters wanted to try. 
  • Can I please have some of the pink girl's sass?
  • How many more times can I get caught singing this aloud to myself before my man gives me one of those "erm, that's probably enough" looks?
Best of luck in your stretching, smiling, sing-songing adventures, Miss Melodee. Next time you stop by, I'm getting you drunk and that's that. 

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