It's the most wonderful time of the year

So I'm maybe the only person in the United States who's excited about this, but THE NEW 'PUMP IT UP' IS ALMOST OUT! Check out the preview above.

It's glaringly (and probably creepily) obvious to anyone who's read this blog that I am a Big Fan of Ministry of Sound's "Pump It Up" series. I explained why, in detail, in this post. But to summarize:

- They're long (70-90 minutes), thorough and challenging. No half-assey "20-Minute Solutions!"

- They're entertaining and varied, drawing from dance, aerobics, kickboxing and pilates. To quote myself, again from that post I linked to above: "The workouts are basically structured, aerobicized sassy-dancing in a fantasyland of bright lights and hot bodies wearing impossible outfits."

- They use real music, which is like omgthankyouwhycan'tmorevideosdothis. Even if you don't like LMFAO's "Party rockin in the house tonight" song (I don't, but I can tolerate it) or club music in general, I maintain it's still better than 90% of the crappy muzak used in other videos.

- They are built for a lengthy shelf life. They better be, since they only release one of these suckers a year. Instead of spending gobs of time explaining each move and, in effect, pandering to the audience, the videos keep a swift, fluid pace. It's assumed that you may need to press pause a couple time on your first or second go-round to get the hang of some of the dancier steps, but then once you get it, you don't have to slow down again!

The 2012 installment features the debut of a new instructor, neither Deanne nor Gareth nor that annoying girl from the older ones! (I think I'll have to write about Gareth for my next post; he's too good to keep away from you any longer.) Two of this year's dancers were in prior videos and.... now I'm really starting to sound psychotic. Ok, stopping here! Here's a longer behind-the-scenes preview:

The curious, shiny case of Deanne Berry

VIDEO: "Clubland Work It Out," (2008, Universal Pictures UK)
STYLE: Dance aerobics, dance, kickboxing and toning
INTENSITY: Moderate to difficult
STRUCTURE: 10-minute warm-up; 15 minutes of aerobics; 15-minute dance routine; 15 minutes of kickboxing; 15 minutes of floor exercises; 12-minute cool-down. About 80 minutes total.
GIST: I LOVE THIS WORKOUT. That's it. But it's not available for purchase in the U.S. Wah wah.*

See this creature? Is she the second coming of Xanadu-vintage Olivia Newton-John? A Barbie brought to life?

This, friends, is Deanne Berry, the queen of Clubland. She's a supernova of the sassosphere who burned bright for several thrilling years in the mid- to late-aughts and, after some TV spots and an ill-fated attempt at a recording career, all but disappeared. Where she now roams nobody knows. Intrigue!

Today we're going to be talking about "Clubland Work It Out," which is, in my opinion, Deanne's most solid effort. Like all the Clubland videos, it's not available for purchase in the U.S. *If you buy it off Amazon.co.uk, it won't work on most American DVD players or computers, because it's coded with a different "region." There are ways around this, but they're long and maddening. I don't think I can legally tell you to download it from a file sharing site, but if you don't know how to download it from a file sharing site, you can find most of the workout in the links I provide below.

Ready? Ok!

Like Aphrodite rising from the foam of severed testes cast into the sea, she burst onto the scene a fully-formed workout goddess -- or at least she played one convincingly in the shamelessly lubed-up video for Eric Prydz's "Call On Me."

The video was a crazy gigantic hit across the pond -- one interviewer in a TV spot says she "captured the imagination of the country" -- and even though Berry was just a dancer, not an aerobics instructor, the UK music label Ministry of Sound invited her to host the next in their series of "Pump It Up!" workout videos. THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF, FOLKS.

So she rustled up some fitness certifications and did just that, bringing her Aussie looks (slammin tanned bod, toothy smile) and dancer's nuance (so much sassy hair-flipping!) to the workout video world. After another title with "Ministry of Sound," she jumped ship and moved over to Clubland, yet another UK house music label with a stake in the fitness video market. (WHY DON'T WE DO THIS IN AMERICA???)

That brings us to "Clubland Work It Out," a dizzyingly ludicrous display of quality dance aerobics, music video fantasizing and a whole lotta ass-cheek. Exhibit A (har har):

Welcome to Clubland + Criteria for Successful Sass

Friends, I want to tell you about a magical place called Clubland.

I've been racking my brain trying to encapsulate as thrilling and fantastical a place as Clubland, because it can't be contained in a single video or review. Its goodness shines across the sassosphere. It lights up my life. It is my special funtime workout sweet spot happy place, the single best thing to happen in my fitness career thus far. Okay?

Clubland is the (my) collective term for two UK workout video series, both put out by house music labels catering to the raving, clurrbing, foam partying young people of Europe. They are: Ministry of Sound (the biggest and oldest) and the namesake Clubland. The fitness videos -- only available for sale in the UK, which is a damn shame -- are a perfect synthesis of rigorous dance-based aerobics, fly-girl/boy choreography and strength training. They are Cher/Di and you are Tai. They want to dress you up and be your slightly superior but ultimately got-your-back friends. They hit all my marks for a successful workout video. Here's why:

1. They're long enough (70-90 minutes) and challenging enough to count as real, fuck-yeah sweat-fests, which is where so many "20-Minute Hot Bodz!" workouts come up short. According to American College of Sports Medicine/American Heart Association guidelines, 30 minutes of moderate exercise 5 times a week is only enough to maintain one's weight. To lose weight the right way, you're looking at 50-90 minutes of mostly-cardio exercise 5 days a week, plus regular strength training. Ouch. But take heart! Read on...