Totally Mel B: From Scary to Sporty

Look at Mel B! Totally hot, totally charming, totally working it in this video, "Totally Fit: Mel B." Totally check out this preview:

Former Spice Girl toning and moaning in the sun? I'm interested! The workout breakdown (warm-up, 25 minutes cardio, 40 minutes targeted toning, cool-down) looks good and the moves seem interesting enough, although Mel seems to be doing an awful lot of counting. When will instructors of the world learn? No grown-up likes being treated as if they can't count to 8, so don't count every rep every time! Unless it's a turbo-mega-overdrive thing or a Billy Blanks minion-survival thing, which this clearly isn't. Just get some better background music and come in with the count when we're at the halfway and/or almost-there point. K?

Speaking of better music: I guess Mel B doesn't own the rights to the Spice Girls catalog? Because if she does and she didn't use this workout video as an opportunity to release new Euro-house remixes of Spice Girls songs, then the world really is an unfair place.

Aside from the counting, this video seems promising. She's got sass, a brassy and encouraging bedside manner, and -- it must be said -- some marvelous tits that she and the camera lo-hoooove to show off as they sparkle in the sun. Ain't nothin wrong with some good old-fashioned boobular distraction, right?

Wrong, if you're this lady [on Amazon.com]:

I did like the workouts, but after doing it a few times I started realizing that a lot of the camera angles are focused on her chest, stomach, and between legs (I'm trying to put it nicely). I quickly began to feel uncomfortable putting this video on in front of my children because it's clear this is also meant to be used for adult "entertainment". I ended up throwing it in the trash.

 C'mon, lady, Mel was just givin' you everything! All the joy it brings. Yes she swears.

This one's going on my short list!